Lululemon Athletica Inc. (DOG)
LULU - Nasdaq
There once was a business named LULU
Whose investors were feeling quite blue blue
When its sales forecast whiffed
Folks were feeling quite miffed
And some even said, “I am through through!”
Alimentation Couche-Tard Inc. (DOG)
ATD - TSX
True or false? Convenience stores are immune from economic downturns. Answer: false. Shares of Alimentation Couche-Tard Inc. slumped after the global operator of more than 16,700 Couche-Tard, Circle K and other C-stores posted adjusted net earnings of US$625-million or 65 US cents a share for the fiscal third quarter, down from 74 US cents a year earlier and well below the 84 US cents analysts had expected. The company cited weaker demand for fuel and snacks, particularly among lower-income consumers in the United States. When you’re struggling to pay the rent, that large bag of Doritos and a 42-ounce Polar Pop can wait.
Chipotle Mexican Grill Inc. (STAR)
CMG - NYSE
Stock splits don’t actually create any value for investors. But shareholders of Chipotle Mexican Grill Inc. apparently didn’t get the memo. Shares of the casual-dining chain surged to a record high after it announced a 50-for-1 stock split which, if approved at its annual meeting in June, will give investors 49 additional shares for each share held. The split “will make our stock more accessible to employees as well as a broader range of investors,” Jack Hartung, Chipotle’s chief financial and administrative officer, said in a release. Heck, if making money is this easy, every company should split its shares 50-for-1. Or, better yet, 100-for-1, or 1,000-for-1.
Signet Jewelers Ltd. (DOG)
SIG - NYSE
Forget spending two months’ salary on a diamond engagement ring. The new benchmark: zero months salary. With wedding engagements having fallen off a cliff during COVID-19 and still languishing below prepandemic levels, Signet Jewelers Ltd. reported that same-store sales slumped 9.6 per cent year-over-year in the holiday quarter ended Feb. 3, which is normally a busy time for wedding proposals. The world’s biggest retailer of diamond jewellery – Signet’s banners include Kay, Zales, Jared and Peoples – said it expects sales to improve in 2024 “as engagements gradually recover.” Guys, promise you’ll get on this as soon as March Madness is over, okay?
Gildan Activewear Inc. (STAR)
GIL - TSX
Multiple-choice quiz! Shares of Gildan Activewear Inc. jumped after the maker of T-shirts, hoodies and fleece: a) unveiled a new shirt with the slogan “I’m with Stupid” and an arrow pointing left or right (implying, hilariously, that the person next to you is stupid); b) said its new reversible underwear will “cut your family’s energy bills in half by dramatically extending the wear time between undergarment changes”; c) confirmed that it is considering potential takeover offers for the company, whose board sacked long-time CEO Glenn Chamandy in December and is now facing a backlash from dissident investors who want him reinstated. Answer: c.
John Heinzl