Drew Shannon
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Today’s First Person is part of a week-long tribute to mothering.
Knowing what you know now, what would you tell your younger self? This question posed on a talk radio show got me thinking. I considered what I wish I had known earlier in my life and in my career, but mostly I thought about my young daughter and the responsibility I have to help her learn from me and the generations of amazing women who have preceded us. As I drove, I mentally drafted a letter to my child.
To my daughter, I would say: In my first parent-teacher interview when you were just four years old, your teacher described how you knew who you were and what you wanted to do. She predicted that you would one day run a major corporation. Even at that young age, your natural leadership qualities defined you. Now, at age 8, you are starting to discover them for yourself, and deciding who you are and who you want to become.
As your mom, I see all the wonderful things you have to offer the world. I am your biggest cheerleader. I feel your wins – and your bumps and bruises, too – as much as you do. Sometimes I think I feel them even more than you do. As you go through life, I want you to remember who you are and what makes you amazing. While you may not always like my advice, there are words I hope you hear.
Throughout your life, your gifts – your voice and your ability to guide – may be misconstrued as being bossy. When your kindergarten teacher predicted you’d be a leader, I beamed with pride and then wondered if she was telling me you were difficult or overbearing. On the contrary, you and others like you were born to clear a path. Don’t dial back or change who you are to please others.
There will always be people who will try to steer you. Be mindful of their words. Hear them when they support and encourage you. Ponder them when they question you. Don’t believe them when they try to hold you back from who you are or strive to be.
When you look around the room and find that you are the only girl there, stay. Don’t let doubt overshadow your abilities and passions. Whether it’s math club, piano lessons or a sport you love, stick with it, even if your friends tell you that there are far cooler things to do. Trust me, when you’re an adult you will look back and wish you had stayed with it.
Although some may call you a chatterbox (myself included!), don’t let them silence you. Your candor and ability to speak in front of people – to be unabashedly open and creative – is what makes you you.
Being a mom has been the biggest blessing of my life. If you decide to be one too, don’t let the world make you feel that you must choose between being good at work or good at motherhood. You don’t have to choose. I believe it is possible to be great at both. Work with people who give you the space, the support and the respect you need to follow your passions. Know your values and adhere to them.
Chances are good that if you choose to climb the corporate ladder there may be fewer and fewer women around you on the climb. Break free from old expectations – don’t organize men in a meeting, don’t be the note taker. Replace roles that are long overdue for change with new, bolder and better ones. Remind yourself that you deserve a seat at the table and help other women join you there.
That seat at the table won’t necessarily be easy. Success requires work and sacrifice, but work is a relationship, and as with any relationship, never stay when you are not being treated well. Don’t be afraid to walk away if you or your work is undervalued or you are being paid less for it. Use your voice to make change and if that doesn’t work, seek better opportunities.
Don’t ever take a position as a symbolic gesture. And when you get your dream job, don’t let anyone tell you you got it because you are a woman. Take that job because you want it and because you’re the best person for it, regardless of your gender. See all humans as equals and insist that those around you do, too.
You won’t always be successful. Along the way you will stumble and sometimes fail. Believe me when I tell you there is great learning from failure. When I look back on my life I see that I have learned more from things going wrong than I have from things going right. Even on what seem to be your worst days, know that hard times will pass and that you always have me and others in your corner to remind you of your greatness. You will learn from your mistakes and grow stronger.
Because I know now what my younger self had to learn, I’d say to my daughter – and all of our daughters – no matter who you are or want to be, surround yourself with people who respect, inspire and support that definition. If you choose to be you – regardless of those who tell you that you can’t or shouldn’t – and you seek to motivate others to do the same, you can truly be the change we need to see in the world. The world has a lot to learn from you.
Lindsay Gibson lives in Cambridge, Ont.