Sean Kontak, 14, and his mother Jan sew name tags onto his clothes as cat Milo ‘helps’ at their home in Halifax. Sean was elated, but nervous, about departing for boarding school in Ontario. 'I was much more emotional about it right from the get-go,' his mother says.Darren Calabrese
Peter and Jan Kontak never intended to send their son, Sean, to boarding school at age 14.
“My dream was to put together a few nickels for when Sean got to Grade 12, and if we were really lucky, maybe he could go to Trinity College School for one year,” said Mr. Kontak, an alumnus of the boarding and day school in Port Hope, Ont.
But serendipitous events have created an earlier-than-imagined, emotional milestone for the parents, and an exciting new chapter in Sean’s life.
Around their kitchen table in Halifax, the family explained how it all started. Sean had expressed interest in doing a foreign exchange through his private day school in Halifax, only to find out late in the game that he was too young to apply. As a backup plan, his parents suggested he apply for the Cirne National Scholarship, a full-tuition boarding bursary, at his father’s alma mater.
“In the wildest dream, if Sean did so well, maybe they’d take him up and interview him,” said Mr. Kontak, who owns an apartment rental company in Halifax.
To Sean’s delight, Trinity College School did shortlist him for the scholarship and flew him for an interview to Ontario, where he fell in love with the 153-year-old school, the camaraderie and range of extra-curricular activities. But he didn’t receive the scholarship. Instead, the school offered him an endowment (the amount is confidential) to help cover the $43,000 boarding and tuition fee for a student starting in Grade 9.
Sean was elated, though still slightly nervous, about leaving home at 14. “It’s not like there’s a test camp to see if you’re going to like it before you go,” he said. “You kind of just get thrown in, but I think it’ll be exciting. Being an only child, I’ve never really had that experience of living around other people. So that’s sort of the main reason I want to go.”
His parents, however, are unsure about seeing Sean leave home so young. But students get a four-day break after every five weeks and the Kontaks plan to make many trips to visit him.
“I was much more emotional about it right from the get-go, because I was not expecting this,” Ms. Kontak said. “I wasn’t expecting to send my kid away at 14 years old. When I was in school, it was only the bad kids who went away to boarding school, so even though Pete went, and I know all of his best friends are from Trinity, I still was kind of like, ‘Hmm, I feel like a bad parent thinking it would be okay to send my kid away.’ ”
'Being an only child, I’ve never really had that experience of living around other people. So that’s sort of the main reason I want to go [to boarding school],' says Sean Kontak, 14, as he sits at the kitchen table with his parents Peter and Jan at their home in Halifax in August.Darren Calabrese
Unlike days gone by when parents shuffled miscreant children off to boarding school, things are different today.
“The reality is parents don’t make the decision any more,” said Joe Seagram, headmaster of King’s-Edgehill School in Windsor, N.S. “It’s the child who makes the decision, and any student that comes into my office and they’re there because it’s their parents’ idea and they don’t want to be there, I just say ‘No.’ ”
Mr. Seagram said he can tell when it’s the child’s idea to go to boarding school because they’ve done all the research and have talked to friends about it.
“When they start to get excited, then I know they’re starting to become accountable for their education and become responsible for their life. This is a decision they’ll take seriously,” he added. “When they know it’s their decision, their chances for happiness, for success in school, will skyrocket.”
Trinity’s director of admissions Kathy LaBranche said parents are far more apprehensive these days about sending their child to boarding school than they were two decades ago. Today, parents are more wrapped up in their children’s lives, coaching their teams and socializing with their children’s friends.
Parents today have far more questions and uncertainties when it comes to boarding. “The biggest thing would be: Is my child mature enough? Will they be able to handle it? Are they really ready to be away from home?”
One of the main traits that demonstrates whether a child is ready, Ms. LaBranche said, is their ability to say during the interview process what they’re interested in and what they might do differently when they’re at school. Also, she said they should be able to start to show the ability to self-advocate.
“A student has to show a sense of self, a sense of being able to know when they need help and to be able to articulate a little bit of how they would seek out help, without just texting mom and saying, ‘What do I do now?’ ” Ms. LaBranche said.
When it comes to making the decision to go away to school, she said parents often feel less ready than their children. But ultimately they realize the parental goal is to raise a healthy, critical-thinking adult. “It’s not about keeping them a kid forever – we do have to give them the tools to move along that path to be an adult.”
In order to help with the transition, Rothesay Netherwood School, a day and boarding school in Rothesay, N.B., where more than half of the 270 students are boarders, students’ schedules are kept jam packed when they first arrive in September.
“You get to know everybody really quickly and they bond really well,” said Patrick Nobbs, Rothesay Netherwood’s director of enrolment management. “So when you’re new to boarding, you get very comfortable, very quickly because you have a program in place that ensures your first month and a half is going to go really well.”
That said, it doesn’t always go off without a hitch. Sometimes homesickness sets in and it doesn’t work out.
“It can be tough being away from home at that age,” he said. “Boarding might not be right for everybody. We check in constantly so there’s lots of adult contact with the students. Being a small school, we know everybody really well here. There’s lots of people they can connect with if they have problems.”
Tallying up tuition
Tuition cost at some co-ed boarding schools in Canada:
Appleby College, Oakville, Ont. – Canadian student, $62,530; international, $65,980
Athol Murry College of Notre Dame, Wilcox, Sask. – Canadian, $34,000; international, $45,500
Bishop’s College School, Sherbrooke, Que. – Canadian, $52,000; international, $57,000
Brentwood College School, Mill Bay, B.C. – Canadian, $46,900; international, $62,900
King’s-Edgehill School, Windsor, N.B. – Canadian, $40,750; international, $51,950
Ridley College, St. Catharines, Ont. – Canadian, $51,400; international, $60,900
Rothesay Netherwood School, Rothesay, N.B. – Canadian, $36,726; international, $55,726
Trinity College School, Port Hope, Ont. – Canadian, $54,500; international, $59,750
Source: Canadian Accredited Independent Schools
Editor’s note: An earlier version of this story located Appleby College in Ottawa. It is situated in Oakville, Ont.